my holiday colour

i´ll be away until 2010 and don´t know if i´ll be keeping the blog after that. we´ll have to wait and see... my time in school is spiraling to an end (well in may that is) and i will be busy with a lot of learning, applying to universities, giving my life a perspective, making desicions... until now i want to keep the blog and of course i´ll still be reading a lot of other blogs but i also know that my blogging has been sparse and crappy most of the time in the last months so maybe it just doesn´t make sense to keep it. maybe i´ll transform it so it´ll be a beautiful butterfly after its metamorphosis :D

all that´s left to say at this time of year is that i hope everybody is fine and with their loved ones, home, safe and happy. i wish you all the best , a merry christmas and a very new year :D
i´ve got nothing obviously christmassy in my santa claus bag, but a roll of john piccies that have the most amazing christmas tree green. so they fit sort of :D i love the third one... if it were under my christmas tree i´d get all excited and whisper (to afraid to scare it): "you got me a puppy!!?!" john would indeed look very good as a puppy under my tree... ;-)

something...

making this post on topic by using a beatles song as a title. when it couldn´t actually be more off topic :D
i want to share two pictures with you from the set of something´s got to give , the film marilyn never finished. they show dean martin and marilyn as the couple they play in the movie and the chemistry between them makes me really wanna see what the end result would have looked like. i guess the story is sorta known by everyone, marilyn comes back from living on an island for five years after a planecrash only to find her husband to be newly-wed to another woman. of course they find back together in the end.
very lovely story about dean´s loyalty to marilyn: when fox fired her due to her not showing up on set again and again, he refused to finish the film with a replacement. the studio then got marilyn back, but before they could get back to filming marilyn sadly died.
also these pics make me think that marilyn would probably have needed a man like dean, very manly, shoulder to cry on, but also tender and loving. i always felt miller was sort of a wrong choice which put her condition from bad to worse.
anyway enough of that pondering, they make a lovely couple. period.

tree hugger

okay, i might have said just two posts ago that i´m turning torwards my classy side and leave behind the richly decorated hippie. forget it. these pics of penelope tree (by david bailey) make me want to turn out my tendancy towards flowery patterns, ethnical styles and lots of colour even more. especially on days like today (gray, wet, foggy and cold). if fall wasn´t turning into winter already i´d say this is the way to go in fall... so okay next fall. i love it, i might have to leave out anything furry though, whgich would make the look a little less interesting but with the fur substitute wool maybe bearable. and cozy.

the dreaded date

today is the european date of john´s death (in my mind it is... the night of the 8th in ny is already the 9th in europe??) and before this day is done (we´re nearing bed-time :D) i thought i might have to put a few thoughts out there.
i honestly don´t know what to feel. all over the web there are people saying how they miss john so much and it always hits me so strangely because it is as though you have to feel that way as a beatlefan. i don´t miss john. don´t get me wrong i love the man, i hate this day and wish with all my heart he was still with us, but i can´t miss him. i was born ten years after his death and everything i know or love about him is just a memory, a powerful memory of course because it is shared by so many people, but still, he as a person never felt real to me. he might be just a made-up fairy being of my head and in a way he is, because i never met him, everything i read about him was opinions of second or third persons, what i read about himself in interviews usually confused me even more than i already was.
maybe these people who say they miss him walked this earth when he was still alive, but maybe didn´t and they just picked it up, because it´s what you say when somebody is gone. you miss him or her, and how does it feel? missing an almost fictional figure? somebody who´s not even aware that he makes such a large part of your life, that he is important to you as an individual? somebody who´d be probably scared to death if he knew what hopes, longings and fantasies you project onto him? somebody who´d maybe be upset even that his death provokes such grieving whereas the death of a little kid-soldier isn´t even noticed.
i just don´t know, it´s only the third year that i am so aware of what happened today and i guess i haven´t quite found a way to deal with it. grieve? ignore it? make a rememberance day? cry? sing his songs? or just try to keep the spirits high and happy?



i hope what i wrote didn´t offend anyone´s way of spending this day, i didn´t mean it the way you got it, i´m sure.
i wonder if more young fans feel slightly off on this day? or is it just me who is surprised to notice that this day isn´t much different from others and i don´t really feel the way one yould expect it?

through the eyes of bailey

since i haven´t gathered enough information to post anything reliable concerning the relationship of catherine and david, i´m just filling time and empty space with some pictures that david took of his wife. all i can say is they´re typically bailey and that catherine is a really really beautiful woman, who is more and more inspirational for me. being normally a richly decorated, colour flashing hippy, who on purpose sometimes wears things that don´t exactly match, she makes me go and explore my classic side. suddenly i don´t dream of the perfect poncho, or what i could knit at least resembling a poncho, but of the perfect sharply tailored coat and matching flats. i´m thinking of taming my hair a little make it curl where it´s supposed to and probably going for a look with just one essential necklace. sounds kinda exciting for me... i hope all of this longs until i found that perfect coat and that i still feel like looking a little more classy, when i´m visiting my grandparents again :D they would approve!








that last one is sooo amazing i can´t even describe it.

And my hands can't feel to grip And my toes too numb to step Wait only for my boot heels to be wandering

just posting a pic to say sorry for the lack of blogging. it´s david bailey and catherine deneuve, one i´ve not seen as often as others and i post it because i wish i could pull a cap like that as cool as she does... and i probably wish i could call a guy as cool and talented as bailey my boyfriend.
but i´m not complaining... well maybe i am. it´s wet, cold and grey, school sucks, graduation comes closer with ever effing day, and with it the inevitable question of 'what to do with this life'?
cause it seems everything i love or want to spend my time with isn´t ever going to earn me living. i feel like i´m floating when i should be walking and i feel like i can´t grip anything and make it feel real in my hands when i should be having my feet firmly on the ground and my hands on something i can hold onto.
and i´m telling myself everything i thought i believe in, but as it turns out i´m a little less optimistic as soon a theoretic ideal is about to be transferred into reality. reality just hits hard sometimes, beside a pink, vibrant blog stuffed with things i want to be, see, do, the ways i want to look like, the spirits i´d like to maintain.
seems i can´t. at the moment. being myself though i know i will keep on keeping on, because i´m a pisces and always stand up whatever knocked me down :D so just ignore this diary-style blah. it doesn´t mean anything, i just needed to get it out to make my smile come back.
have a nice night